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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

21. Extremely Absent

By 1998, Sean was in school full time. It was still hard to deal with him in the hours before bed. I'd found out what I was made of. I was far more patient than I ever realized even though thoughts of manslaughter ran wild in my head. It seems dramatic to say but at the end of the day I reveled in the fact that I hadn't killed him. I also reveled in the fact that at the end of the day I loved him till my heart hurt. We lived in extremes.

Savannah was in preschool in the four year old class. I'd drop her off in the morning; say some endearing words, make sure she had her lunch and trust that her day would be great. I was glad that Savannah had a place to go. It was convenient that she lived in her own little world. Because of it, she didn't care that we accidently missed her graduation. I took on some looks from other moms when I picked her up from school, but Savannah just stared right through me.