When we arrived at the Smith's house the children began to play as if it were any other visit. My children, quirks and all, were always made to feel at home at Pat's house. There was plenty of space to breathe too. Lord have mercy, we needed space to breathe! I felt my throat open up, my brow soften and my jaw loosen. As far as my mind was concerned it felt like I was on a fast train watching the outside world zing past me. I had to focus.
Several months previously I decided I was leaving the marriage so I began making plans. Plan A meant that the children would finish out the school year, then we would move to Birmingham near family, then I would file for divorce. Plan A sure as hell got bumped to Bum Flip Egypt so Plan B had to be planned and fast. I felt stuck. I likened it to the way Sean must have felt when we had to pick up his line made from video tapes because it prevented the garage door from being opened and he "needed" it open. Sometimes the undesired plan is the only one to follow.
While at Pat's I began making phone calls to find some free legal advice regarding my parental rights before leaving Texas. It wasn't easy. Savannah went to school with Pat's daughter Alyson so I took Sean with me to the "first come first serve legal counsel" cattle call back in Harlingen. I picked a number but it wasn't called. I ultimately went to a women's advocate organization and was reassured that I wouldn't be breaking any laws if I left the state with the children. I was reminded that even though Savannah and Sean were both of ours, I was their Mother. So, Sean and I went back to the car where I called my parents on Pat's cell phone. I burst into tears for the first time since we had left and said, "I'm coming home."
I didn't realize how exhausted I was until I spoke those words. I looked at Sean and remembered that he was my strength. Savannah was my peace. With strength and peace, support from friends and family, and a place to go, we were going to be okay. Nothing was going to get in the way.
