13. She's Coming Undone

Savannah was not autistic! Truth be known, I was so prepared to hear that she had autism that I began to feel confused by it all - Aunt Merry Ann's observations, Savannah's quirky behaviors, comments from friends. I had to go back to making excuses for Savannah. She was different  but I loved her no matter what. I was her protector, remember? But I wondered, Just how can I protect her when I don't know what it is I'm protecting her from? There was something mysterious. It was like seeing something in my peripheral vision but never being able to identify it.

It was a mystery but mystery aside we went on with our lives. By Fall we were adjusting to life in Texas; making trips to Progreso, Mexico just forty-five minutes away. It was a good meeting place for Pat and me. We developed our friendship by seeing each other nearly every week. We enjoyed authentic Mexican food, margaritas and shopping. Life was good. Life was good as long as Sean's rock star tantrums were over and done as quick as I could say, "no-no meets consequence". I could never make that happen. I was beginning to harbor the blame for his uncontrollable behavior. I was feeling inadequate as a mother. I was embarrassed in public. I was judged by Walmart shoppers and Micky D's Drive Thru employees and I gave a damn. Sean was not the only one coming undone.

12. Drum Roll Please

Summary and Conclusions:

• This student does not demonstrate significant educational or developmental deficits.
• This student does not demonstrate significant emotional or behavioral deficits.
• This student does not appear to meet specific eligibility criterias for special education services.

"Using the Childhood Autism Rating Scale, Savannah had an obtained score of 15 which indicates that she is non-autistic."

The Slosson Intelligence Test was given which requires the student to respond verbally to a series of presented questions. The test places heavy emphasis on language skills and provides a measure of intelligence. With a chronological age of 3, the student achieved a Mental age of 3-9 and a Deviation IQ of 85. *Savannah is very verbal, but did not warm up to this examiner. In my opinion, her obtained IQ is probably lower than her actual capabilities.

*As her mother and witness to her daily interactions, it is my adequate opinion that you are correct, Lady Examiner. Thank you.

I trusted the report but time would tell if Savannah would fall through the cracks.

11. Adequately Adequate

Date of report: June 30, 1997

Reason for Referral:

"Savannah was referred for a comprehensive Individual Assessment by her parents. This assessment will aid in determining if an impairment exists that may be affecting school performance to such a degree that there is a need for Special Education Intervention."

Assessment Procedures:

"The student was assessed using standard procedures for all tests. Conditions for all testing sessions were considered to be adequate. Distractions were minimal and insignificant during testing. Rapport was established and maintained adequately for testing. Adequate eye contact was achieved and maintained during testing. In general, the student appeared cooperative throughout testing and did appear to exert an effort to respond appropriately. Overall the examiner(s) felt that the tests were a valid estimate of current functioning abilities."

My notes:
It is my adequate assumption that an adequate valid estimate was made in the areas of:

• Sociological
• Physical
• Language
• Speech
• Emotional/Behavioral 

10. "Let Us Know"

I was determined to have a wonderful life. It was something attainable in movies and I was hopeful that my family life was going to be just like in the movies. All was forgiven and forgotten and denying that I was in denial became my norm. I was A-okay. I was fantastic. Marvelous. Peachy. The tropical environment of Harlingen and the pool at the apartment complex was enough to take the focus off of any problem. I dove back into the idea of a new beginning. I was feeling it.

Several weeks into the new place, I established a pediatrician and called The Dept. of Special Education to make an appointment to have Savannah tested for autism. Of course, I had to bring Sean along but I was dreading it because his tantrums were unpredictable and out of control. They were seriously over the top. They had been worsening over the year and becoming more and more unmanageable although I would never admit it. He was TWO and that is what two year olds do - they tantrum.

When we were at The Board getting the evaluation wrapped up, Sean began to pitch one of his fits in his stroller. I did the best I could; went through all the steps to temper the tantrum to no avail. I was full of apologies so I tossed out a few with a faint smile as if to say, "What's a mother to do? He's two".

When I was leaving, the psychometrist said, "If you ever need help with him, let us know".

"Let us know"? I smiled and paused when she said that but thought nothing of it until a year later.

9. In the Game

Not everyone was delighted about the move. The transition for my husband was unwanted and difficult even though it was a good career move. It took three days to drive from Chatom. We spent two nights on the road and a third night in a hotel in Harlingen. Sean and I were sick with severe colds. Savannah was along for the ride. As soon as I could say, "thank the Lord we made it", my husband and I began to fight over man and wife issues. After being forced to stay up all night because of a very loud television, I began to wonder how this was going to work. I was scared. The excitement of a new adventure turned to fear. I was devastated. All of our possessions were on the moving van to be delivered that day. I made the decision to take the high road. I managed to calm things down by apologizing for not being sensitive to his needs. Hey, it's a fact that everyone has a point of view, it's just that not everyone is aware of it. I began playing the game. It is never good when the game begins. 

hind·sight 

n.

1. Perception of the significance and nature of events after they have occurred.

2. The rear sight of a firearm.