It was interesting how quickly we learned to pick our battles with Sean. Most of the time I had to decide right there on the spot whether or not I could let something go without consequence. Much of the time it came down to just how angry I was at the autism that day. Some days I was more forgiving. Some days I stared it down like I would any son-of-a-bitch.
I used to let the kids have popcorn while watching movies in the room they shared. One day, out of the blue, Sean "needed" the bowl to stay on his table for a period of days. I didn't care. That was the least of my concern except when we were expecting company one afternoon. I was straightening up a bit so when Sean wasn't looking, I quickly grabbed the (rather large aluminum) bowl with leftover popcorn seeds in it and put it behind my back. I was ever-so-carefully backing toward the kitchen when Sean heard the seeds tinkling in the bowl. He rushed around me to get it, and I let him take it. As much as I wanted to snatch that bowl from his obsessive little hands, I didn't want to spend the next few hours in the boxing ring with him.
I always struggled with how to "be consistent". I knew what to do but didn't know how to work around my energy level and The Master Manipulator's hellbent autistic ways. I didn't know how to be successful. It took me a while to even begin to sharpen my "thinking-on-my-feet" skills, but I finally did. At this point, about every six months, I was one step behind instead of two!
I started to pay attention to most everything I said to him. Being a highly emotional person, I'd shout extremes like: "You won't get any McDonald's fries for a month!! BUSTER!" That really registered, didn't it? I paid attention to how absurd I sounded. I was listening. It was so hard to calm my emotions when dealing with the autism but even if I couldn't do it, I knew I needed to always try. It was one of my earliest goals from Autism 101. Autistic behavior appeared to be forever changing and often looked like controlling behavior instead - but once I started honing my senses - in all areas of my life - I could decipher between the autistic and the control-freak. It was time to stop being so forgiving. It was time to take it back. I had given away my power.
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." ~Albert Einstein
