13. She's Coming Undone

Savannah was not autistic! Truth be known, I was so prepared to hear that she had autism that I began to feel confused by it all - Aunt Merry Ann's observations, Savannah's quirky behaviors, comments from friends. I had to go back to making excuses for Savannah. She was different  but I loved her no matter what. I was her protector, remember? But I wondered, Just how can I protect her when I don't know what it is I'm protecting her from? There was something mysterious. It was like seeing something in my peripheral vision but never being able to identify it.

It was a mystery but mystery aside we went on with our lives. By Fall we were adjusting to life in Texas; making trips to Progreso, Mexico just forty-five minutes away. It was a good meeting place for Pat and me. We developed our friendship by seeing each other nearly every week. We enjoyed authentic Mexican food, margaritas and shopping. Life was good. Life was good as long as Sean's rock star tantrums were over and done as quick as I could say, "no-no meets consequence". I could never make that happen. I was beginning to harbor the blame for his uncontrollable behavior. I was feeling inadequate as a mother. I was embarrassed in public. I was judged by Walmart shoppers and Micky D's Drive Thru employees and I gave a damn. Sean was not the only one coming undone.