Winter had come and gone. Spring had come earlier than I was used to but I was ready since the beach was only an hour away. Pat and Jack owned a condo on South Padre Island so, one weekend plus a Sunday night , the kids and I joined her. By this time Sean's tantrums were so bad that I worried about "snapping". I was constantly talking to myself, telling myself to "take it easy", "stay calm", "it will be over soon", "hold on". He went on for hours and then he would crash. Speaking of crashing, I admitted to my husband that when I reached or almost reached the point where I'd had enough, I just wanted to throw him out the closed window to make it stop. My love for him stopped me time and time again. I had to talk about it. I was always talking about it. I knew that if I held it in, it just might happen. So, I told any one who would listen despite sounding like a horrible mother. I had to protect my son.
While at the beach it was a matter of time before Sean threw his usual son-of-a-bitchin' tantrum. When it was over, Pat and I had a heart to heart. It was the morning we were leaving. I'll never forget it. I was wondering out loud what could be wrong when she said, "What about autism?". I immediately said, "No, Savannah was tested for autism. She didn't tantrum. It doesn't look the same." Pat said, "But maybe it is".
We left the beach and went our separate ways. My mind was spinning. My stomach was in knots. AGAIN? We dodged this bullet already!
I pulled up my big girl panties (a-gain) and first, accepted my friend's gently expressed suggestion, then when I got home I immediately called The Board of Special Education.
With my heart pounding, I said, "Mrs. Lancaster, remember me? I need your help. I love my son but I am afraid that I am going to hurt him."
Aww, it is so sad to know what you went through with being afraid of hurting Sean. But the important thing is that you didn't hurt him! I am proud of you for that. Everyone is not as strong as you are.
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