"The mind may wander, but let not your senses wander with it. If the senses wander where the mind takes them, one is done for." ~Mahatma Gandhi
I was doing the best I could but felt it was never good enough. Two steps behind turned into three on some days and I tried not to give a shit. I tried to resign myself but was forced to a-l-w-a-y-s face the "bully". Autism was most definitely, definitely the bully. As my feet hit the floor each morning I prayed, "Oh God Almighty, help me stay cool, calm, focused and driven. Give me peace somewhere in between." I chose to accept that He didn't hear me as opposed to Him ignoring me.
The energy in the house was tense to say the least, but I tried to maintain, in autistic terms, a clear connection with my family. I wasn't doing so well. I spoke little of the problems in my marriage to others, but the problems in the home were apparent to all who lived there. We didn't hide our discontent from our children. We fought in front of them as if they couldn't hear us. As if they weren't there. We were maniacs.
My mind wandered as far as I let it go. Thankfully, my senses reeled it in. My senses saved me in the end.
Seriously though, sometimes parents should be seen and not heard.
My mind wandered as far as I let it go. Thankfully, my senses reeled it in. My senses saved me in the end.
Seriously though, sometimes parents should be seen and not heard.
Peggy:
ReplyDeleteAs parents, we all have many moments that we wish we could take back. You are always too hard on yourself! You are amazing and have a gift in writing. This all needs to be read far and wide! Love you,
Caroline
Caroline, I'm writing it as I feel it with no justifications. I am actually being conservative. It would be a much more juicy story if I wasn't! I don't believe in telling all of the family secrets even if I want to. Thank you! LY!
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