80. When Hands Come in Handy

While I was preoccupied with Sean, Savannah was hanging out a lot with her cousins. She began writing plays for them all to perform. I was thankful for her creativity and resilience, but I was jealous of it. I wanted to be swallowed up by fantasy, and live as a character in one of her plays. I didn't really care which one. I was not enjoying my role as a mother, much less one of those - "single mothers" but I knew I had made the right decision. Savannah was happy. She was no longer caught standing under the stream of insults passed between me and her father. All of the air around her was available to her. She had breathing room. She was blooming.

Savannah's entry into third grade at Mountain Brook Elementary appeared to be stress free. She took ownership of her right to be there even though she barely knew anyone. She was comfortable as long as she could doodle and play with her hand puppets - the Milos - in between her lessons and sometimes not. They were characters that were literally her hands. She developed them when she was six years old and continued to interact with them until the end of third grade. They were the equivalent to imaginary friends but they were visible for all to see. Savannah was visible too.

Drama at its best!

79. May I Have Your Attention

During the summer of 2001, I had time to apply for SSI (Supplemental Security Income) for Sean. After a long evaluation, Sean qualified. The amount was based on my income and it fluctuated if I made more or less each month. With child support and SSI which also provided Medicaid for Sean, I was able to stand on two feet and take care of myself and the children. It wasn't much but it was enough to help me along until I was able to find work.

Meanwhile, I celebrated my 40th birthday in July of 2001. Pat came to help my friends and me celebrate. It was comforting to see her again.

In the early days of learning to live with autism, I approached every beginning, no matter how big or small, with every hope that progress would be made without setbacks. I have always been a dreamer. I eventually accepted that the setbacks were the stepping stones to Sean's progress. Sometimes you just have to step on them twice to make sure you know where you are going!

When Sean began first grade with a new IEP in place and a beautiful new devoted sidekick named Ms. Wright, I expected his tantrums to be less frequent, less intense. Not so fast, there, Dreamer!

During my very early career as a mother, I frequently heard (with regard to behavior), "It often gets worse before it gets better." So, it didn't take long at all before that statement began to ring in my ears day after day. There was progress but it was slow and hard to get to. Sean began to communicate better but it would take awhile to come up with a system that was one step ahead of him when it came to controlling his disruptive master of manipulation behavior. Time out just didn't cut it.

Ms. Wright and I kept a daily journal so I could track any patterns or triggers. I frequently read that Sean did things "for no reason" which just meant that the reason was hard to identify. He was definitely a mystery. He was engaging on a positive and negative level, intensely so. He was one of those "attention seeking" types. When he wanted attention, he got it. When he got it, he kept it - 

for a very long time.